Everybody Feels "Left Out" Sometimes.

Is it okay to be mad? Is it okay to be sad? 

You'd be surprised how many preschoolers I ask say 'no' to that question. 

"No Ms. Sam. It's not okay to be mad. It's not okay to be sad." 

This is where socio-emotional learning comes into the classroom. As teachers, we want to guide children away from shaming thoughts about feelings. Instead, we want to focus on self-awareness, self-regulation, and empathy. 

For the past three years I have worked with a great socio emotional programme called "Kimochis". I've had exposure to many socio-emotional programmes over the years that I have taught, but I love this programme the best because:

1.) It doesn't shame.

2.) It gives children the ability to have honest discussions about communication.

3.) It shies away from behaviorist practices in the classroom. 

For the basics of this programme check out rock-star Kimochis creator Ellen Pritchard Dodge here.

In truth, it is okay to be sad. It's okay to be mad. Everybody has those feelings sometimes. Adults do. Children do. Heck, even animals do. We don't like to have those feelings, but they exist and everybody at some point in their lives is going to have experience them. 

What we want to give children are the tools to manage those feelings. How can we make our sad and our mad feelings a little smaller? How can we help others who may be feeling that way? How can we recognize those feelings when we have them?

This week we did a lesson on feeling 'left out'. Again--nobody likes feeling left out. It doesn't make us feel good to be left out. Everybody wants to belong. Everybody wants to feel included. But sometimes, we feel left out. 

Often, shyer students will want to play with others, but they may feel too shy to ask to play. Instead they'll sit around the periphery of the activity watching others play. We can teach children to put on a brave face and ask to play by teaching this phrase "Can  I play too?" Even better, we can teach other children to notice when someone is feeling shy, invite them to play, and 'take them under their wing'. Check out Ellen's great lesson on 'taking someone under your wing'.  

During our Kimochis time, I invite students to hold the 'talking stick' and share a 'left out' story. This week students shared stories about feeling 'left out' when their parents go to work on the weekend, when brothers and sisters don't invite them to play, or when friends on the playground leave them to go and play with someone else. Take time to listen and validate those stories. Offer thoughtful responses to their stories, "Did that make you feel happy or sad to be 'left out'?" "Did you talk to someone to tell them how you felt?" "How did you make your 'left out' feeling a little smaller?"

A lot of recognizing emotions in preschool has to do with being 'feeling detectives'. This involves having the ability to look at someone's face and guess how they are feeling. Often times we will pass a mirror around the circle so we can practice making different emotional faces. 

For this activity I had the students draw on two sides of an oval. On one side, students drew a happy face. We noticed that happy faces sometimes have smiles and eyebrows in a high arc. 

On the other side we drew a 'left out' face. We noticed that sometimes a 'left out' face can look sad. There may be tears or a frown. Sometimes a 'left out' face can be mad. That may include angry eyebrows or a frown.

After we drew on both sides of the oval, I gave the children different scenarios and they held up how they would feel with the given scenarios.

Of course, the real practice of these skills comes after our classroom meeting both on the playground and during unstructured play time. Because we've taken the time to define a 'whole class language', I can then in-the-moment say things like:

"Who needs a wing? Who can be a wing?"

"It looks like you feel 'left out'. Do you need help asking to play?"

"Can I help you make your 'left out' feeling a little smaller?"

Taking the time to address and develop the emotional quotient of students is just as, if not more important than the ways we address the intellectual quotient of students. Sharing these lessons with families is also important. 

After writing to parents about this lesson, a mum sent in this great book about being 'left out' to share with the class. Offering parents opportunities to learn, share, and have an input in classroom discussions is invaluable to continuing the learning and growth at home.

Until next time learning friends!

Sam